Dear Mother Nature: A Letter To Help Us Find Spring
Am I the only one wondering if Spring is taking unusually long to show up? We had a couple false starts over the past few weeks- but we’re seemingly always plunged back into Old Man Winters wrath. It wasn’t such a horrible Winter snowfall wise; I had only a few really hairy experiences for me to fondly reminisce over till next season. There was that time heading North on 81 to somewhere in upstate New York. Things got so bad for so long that I had a sneaking suspicion: I was [unwittingly] a new star on that History Channel series about truck drivers driving on ice surfaces. No need to fret my friend, I am a star, just not on a network TV show. Yet.
The most remarkable instance happened heading South on 81, heading home from Watertown, NY. Things were fine and clear when I left, then I began to see those lit up roadside signs saying something to the effect of : “HEAVY SNOW EXITS 37-32 - BE AFRAID, BE VERY AFRAID.” It was an unbelievable ride to say the least. Lake Ontario was churning out lake effect snow like nobodies business, it had to be coming down at about four or five feet an hour! It took almost an hour and forty minutes to go twenty some miles. Right after I broke out of it I pulled into a rest area to bang the ice off the wipers and snapped this picture:
The seasons finale (I think it’s safe to say that but I can’t be sure) I enjoyed in Delaware and Maryland of all places. I actually decided to shut down in Middletown, DE for a few hours because I couldn’t see anything in front of me. One customer used the event as an excuse for a day off and never opened. A simple three stop load became a two day trip!
It’s April now, that’s all done and over with right? Sure as heck doesn’t seem that way! Weeks ago I got myself all prepared- accidentally picked up a new bottle of wheel polish and was patiently waiting for the opportunity to at least get them back to my specifications. Two weeks ago I had a ten stop load, six stops for Monday and Four for Tuesday. Weather looked perfect! Surely I would be done early and have hours upon hours for my polish-admire-polish some more-admire some more routine. What happened? It didn’t look possible on paper, but I managed to get all ten stops off in one day and ended up at home that night. Good for the paycheck, bad for the wheels who were left in their weakened condition. Looking at my wheels now, I shake my head and wonder how I ever let my work ethic take precedence over my obsession with keeping my truck all shined up!
Since that time, I have been doing a little watch and wait dance with the weekend weather. The truck is do for it’s every-so-often make sure all is in tip top shape service. As soon as that’s done I’ll scoot it home for the weekend where I will give her a full wax job as well as bring the wheels back to a glorious shine! The mechanics have not taken in her yet and well, Miss Mother Nature hasn’t been showing her warmer side much lately anyhow.
Let’s begin with how cold it has been lately- Twenty degree mornings isn’t Spring Miss N! (As I like to call Mother Nature.) Yesterday I was in the Southern Pocono’s and it was snowing! Not Heavy lay down on the road and hope you don’t slip off snow, but does it matter? It’s April! Today I saw snow ON THE GROUND as I traveled around the Southern Tier and Buffalo region of New York! Even the customers I spoke to today thought this was outrageous and uncalled for!
I finally snapped this morning when I left the Pilot truck stop in Kanona, NY and cruised West on 86 towards my first stop in Salamanca, NY. There is this little electronic display smack in the middle of my instrument cluster. Normally, this displays all kinds of useful stuff like miles for the day, miles for the week, time, temp, and how many miles till the tanks run dry and I have to get out and walk. For some annoying reason, every time the temperature gets near or below freezing, all that info goes away and is replaced with “Freezing conditions 25 degrees” (or whatever temp it happens to be). You are forced to acknowledge this by hitting a button on the wiper stalk, that is if you want to see the real useful stuff ever again!
First of all, if I never ever got out of my truck, this would be great to know. Unfortunately, I need to use the facilities and even like to walk around the truck from time to time to make sure the wheels are not falling off, so I KNOW WHEN IT’S COLD! It even tells me this when it’s clearly snowing out making me respond “Freezing conditions, you’re pulling my leg, right?”
What’s worse, it will keep doing this every few miles in case you forgot it was cold or thought you might be in South Florida, when you’re really in Canada. I love my truck a whole lot, but this morning she is telling me the same common sense stuff so many times that it’s high time she got a talking to. As we head West at sixty five miles an hour, I see the dreaded “freezing conditions” screen for the third time and I lost my patience with her:
“Freezing conditions, really? Cause I didn’t know! Look around lately, it’s always freezing conditions! It’s gonna be that way forever because Spring does not exist! Never again will we see green grass or leaves on the trees or even pretty girls in bikini’s! It’s going to be so cold for so long that your gosh darn wheels will finally turn a brownish gray like a truck from the eighties that no one ever cared for!”
As I write this now, I wonder if anyone passing me in a car, or another truck for that matter, wondered who I was yelling at. This extended grip Winter has been holding us hostage with is obviously starting to get to me. After a few miles I calmed down, apologized to my truck for my little outburst, and decided it’s time for a new strategy.
For weeks now, I have been mentally pleading with Mother Nature for warmer temps and sunnier weather, clearly without any success. Maybe it’s time to rethink my approach with Miss N? I’ve been dealing with Women who on occasion could be a problem for my entire life! From my own Mother (Love you Mom, but even you have had your moments) to my Wife (No comment, I want to eat this weekend) and now, my little girl (She pretends to be a sweetheart in the day, but then wants to cause all kinds of commotion all night into the morning while Daddy is trying to sleep). Each is unique in their own right, but I like to think as I grow older and wiser, I can rationalize with them a little better. Or maybe they just let me think that way.
Regardless, I decided to use a little reverse psychology on Mother Nature. It’s a tad personal, but I’ll leave you with an exact copy of a letter I wrote to Miss N with the hopes that it will hope us find Spring sometime in the near future:
There you have it folks! I placed this little ditty under my pillow at night and am awaiting the results. If you happen to see any certain signs of Spring, you can thank me and my superior woman "psychology" skills!
The most remarkable instance happened heading South on 81, heading home from Watertown, NY. Things were fine and clear when I left, then I began to see those lit up roadside signs saying something to the effect of : “HEAVY SNOW EXITS 37-32 - BE AFRAID, BE VERY AFRAID.” It was an unbelievable ride to say the least. Lake Ontario was churning out lake effect snow like nobodies business, it had to be coming down at about four or five feet an hour! It took almost an hour and forty minutes to go twenty some miles. Right after I broke out of it I pulled into a rest area to bang the ice off the wipers and snapped this picture:
The seasons finale (I think it’s safe to say that but I can’t be sure) I enjoyed in Delaware and Maryland of all places. I actually decided to shut down in Middletown, DE for a few hours because I couldn’t see anything in front of me. One customer used the event as an excuse for a day off and never opened. A simple three stop load became a two day trip!
It’s April now, that’s all done and over with right? Sure as heck doesn’t seem that way! Weeks ago I got myself all prepared- accidentally picked up a new bottle of wheel polish and was patiently waiting for the opportunity to at least get them back to my specifications. Two weeks ago I had a ten stop load, six stops for Monday and Four for Tuesday. Weather looked perfect! Surely I would be done early and have hours upon hours for my polish-admire-polish some more-admire some more routine. What happened? It didn’t look possible on paper, but I managed to get all ten stops off in one day and ended up at home that night. Good for the paycheck, bad for the wheels who were left in their weakened condition. Looking at my wheels now, I shake my head and wonder how I ever let my work ethic take precedence over my obsession with keeping my truck all shined up!
Since that time, I have been doing a little watch and wait dance with the weekend weather. The truck is do for it’s every-so-often make sure all is in tip top shape service. As soon as that’s done I’ll scoot it home for the weekend where I will give her a full wax job as well as bring the wheels back to a glorious shine! The mechanics have not taken in her yet and well, Miss Mother Nature hasn’t been showing her warmer side much lately anyhow.
Let’s begin with how cold it has been lately- Twenty degree mornings isn’t Spring Miss N! (As I like to call Mother Nature.) Yesterday I was in the Southern Pocono’s and it was snowing! Not Heavy lay down on the road and hope you don’t slip off snow, but does it matter? It’s April! Today I saw snow ON THE GROUND as I traveled around the Southern Tier and Buffalo region of New York! Even the customers I spoke to today thought this was outrageous and uncalled for!
I finally snapped this morning when I left the Pilot truck stop in Kanona, NY and cruised West on 86 towards my first stop in Salamanca, NY. There is this little electronic display smack in the middle of my instrument cluster. Normally, this displays all kinds of useful stuff like miles for the day, miles for the week, time, temp, and how many miles till the tanks run dry and I have to get out and walk. For some annoying reason, every time the temperature gets near or below freezing, all that info goes away and is replaced with “Freezing conditions 25 degrees” (or whatever temp it happens to be). You are forced to acknowledge this by hitting a button on the wiper stalk, that is if you want to see the real useful stuff ever again!
First of all, if I never ever got out of my truck, this would be great to know. Unfortunately, I need to use the facilities and even like to walk around the truck from time to time to make sure the wheels are not falling off, so I KNOW WHEN IT’S COLD! It even tells me this when it’s clearly snowing out making me respond “Freezing conditions, you’re pulling my leg, right?”
What’s worse, it will keep doing this every few miles in case you forgot it was cold or thought you might be in South Florida, when you’re really in Canada. I love my truck a whole lot, but this morning she is telling me the same common sense stuff so many times that it’s high time she got a talking to. As we head West at sixty five miles an hour, I see the dreaded “freezing conditions” screen for the third time and I lost my patience with her:
“Freezing conditions, really? Cause I didn’t know! Look around lately, it’s always freezing conditions! It’s gonna be that way forever because Spring does not exist! Never again will we see green grass or leaves on the trees or even pretty girls in bikini’s! It’s going to be so cold for so long that your gosh darn wheels will finally turn a brownish gray like a truck from the eighties that no one ever cared for!”
As I write this now, I wonder if anyone passing me in a car, or another truck for that matter, wondered who I was yelling at. This extended grip Winter has been holding us hostage with is obviously starting to get to me. After a few miles I calmed down, apologized to my truck for my little outburst, and decided it’s time for a new strategy.
For weeks now, I have been mentally pleading with Mother Nature for warmer temps and sunnier weather, clearly without any success. Maybe it’s time to rethink my approach with Miss N? I’ve been dealing with Women who on occasion could be a problem for my entire life! From my own Mother (Love you Mom, but even you have had your moments) to my Wife (No comment, I want to eat this weekend) and now, my little girl (She pretends to be a sweetheart in the day, but then wants to cause all kinds of commotion all night into the morning while Daddy is trying to sleep). Each is unique in their own right, but I like to think as I grow older and wiser, I can rationalize with them a little better. Or maybe they just let me think that way.
Regardless, I decided to use a little reverse psychology on Mother Nature. It’s a tad personal, but I’ll leave you with an exact copy of a letter I wrote to Miss N with the hopes that it will hope us find Spring sometime in the near future:
Dear Mother Nature,
I have to thank you for this extended period that reminds me so much of winter. I love it so much in fact, that I have given up wool hats as there is no better feeling then cold heavy air passing over my bald head. Try and keep it as cold as you can for as long as you can! Heck I even have a fancy APU in my truck now to keep me warm at night which means I no longer need to idle my truck! No more pollutants shooting up into the sky and messing up your hair! Oh, and try to keep things as yellow and brown as possible. I really dislike the color green, it reminds me of infant diarrhea and don’t desire to have my world painted with it!
While I have your attention, your little “April Showers” act (what your human sisters call ‘that time of the month’) hasn’t been nearly wet enough. Instead of raining every two days or so, couldn’t you just crank it up and have it pour down every single day? There are not nearly enough mud puddles in the parking lots I traverse to adequately coat my wheels, tires and every other exposed surface of my truck with a nice solid coating of mud. Weekends especially, are best kept wet, that way I won’t have to be bothered with washing or waxing my truck or any other outdoor activity I’d rather not pursue!
Thanks for hearing me out, I hope I don’t come across as a nitpicker. It’s just that nobody likes a little warm weather, sunny skies and those annoying little birds singing songs that wake you up too early in the morning. Keep up the great work and I can’t hardly wait for next winter, I personally hope it is snowing heavy by July!
Love and shivers,
Jason
While I have your attention, your little “April Showers” act (what your human sisters call ‘that time of the month’) hasn’t been nearly wet enough. Instead of raining every two days or so, couldn’t you just crank it up and have it pour down every single day? There are not nearly enough mud puddles in the parking lots I traverse to adequately coat my wheels, tires and every other exposed surface of my truck with a nice solid coating of mud. Weekends especially, are best kept wet, that way I won’t have to be bothered with washing or waxing my truck or any other outdoor activity I’d rather not pursue!
Thanks for hearing me out, I hope I don’t come across as a nitpicker. It’s just that nobody likes a little warm weather, sunny skies and those annoying little birds singing songs that wake you up too early in the morning. Keep up the great work and I can’t hardly wait for next winter, I personally hope it is snowing heavy by July!
Love and shivers,
Jason
There you have it folks! I placed this little ditty under my pillow at night and am awaiting the results. If you happen to see any certain signs of Spring, you can thank me and my superior woman "psychology" skills!
Comments
Good luck with that.
It's springing everywhere I go... my allgeries tell me so!